19 Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s

I read this blog post online and loved everything about it.  I don’t know Holden Desalles, but major points to him for writing this awesome article.  I’m reposting it for all of you!  Read up, read again, repeat.

~ 19 things to stop doing in your 20s ~

By Holden  Desalles

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact  with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be  treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for  (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to  be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go  out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to  find them.

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.”People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these  people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health  insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into  consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time.  Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions  offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop  procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate  becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself  as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten  narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s  sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the  narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high  school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in  your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will  ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in  the world.

8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something,  spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for  something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on  things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on  healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll  keep.

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as  time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are  essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you  away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention  span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X  amount of things at any given moment.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine.  Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine.  You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion.  You’re fine.

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives  and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will  appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and  position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it  also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the  belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to  like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior  toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their  approval.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only  options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret  when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having  bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not  having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic  thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough.  You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is  a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being  in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate  happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to  suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and  frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem  counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent  you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is  naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the  same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart  theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things  that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with  reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad.  Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a  first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first  thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful.  Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond  immediately, don’t.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually  do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to  be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said  you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though,  especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest  in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t  distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the  important.

19. Stop being afraid.

Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/19-things-you-should-stop-doing-in-your-20s/#PTUizW2DzMaykeqx.99

Falling In Love at College

You are meeting all kinds of people are school now.  Has someone swept you off your feet?  Is there a girl or guy that you can’t keep your eyes off of?  Have you told yourself to ‘snap out of it’ because ‘this is college, the time to explore, not the time to get caught up in relationships’??  Love happens at times that we don’t always plan for.  Don’t be afraid to fall in love.  Let it happen.  When it happens, don’t fight it.  Enjoy it, celebrate it, make it work, but don’t let it define you or your college experience.  Many people meet their spouse during their college years.  Do not look for it but if you’re lucky enough to have it fall in your lap… let love happen.

{GMS}

High School Relationships

Well, this one is a little more of a challenge for me given I didn’t have any serious high school relationships or a boyfriend that I had to say goodbye to when I went off to college.  However, at the end of the day a relationship is a relationship and emotions run wild, especially when it’s time to leave the one you love.  I’m sure many of you have serious boyfriends and girlfriends and are soon heading off to college.  Have you talked to each other about what you are going to do?  If not, you should.  Here are some things that you need to think about first.  Then, if you and your significant other decide you want to give a shot and try and stay together you can continue to read down the post and see the few pieces of advice I have for you in trying to keep a long distance relationship work.  By the way, most people believe they have found their true love and the only option is to stay together even though we both know you’re secretly thinking, “will this even work?”

So first off – here are the things to think about.

1. Just break up with them – the stress of keeping a relationship on top of the change of heading to college is just too much and if it’s meant to be, it will be no matter what even if it’s years later.

2. The break up bench – usually all schools have them.  On the weekend, there is always a girl on the break up bench, crying hysterically on her cell phone while the relationship ends.

3. College is full of raging hormones – this is prime time to meet as many people as you can, learn what type of person is the best fit for you and to have fun (remember to be safe!)

4. Often times to relationship you had changes – you go from a fun, high school, see-each-other-all-the-time relationship to a long distance relationship and checking with your bf/gf throughout the day becomes a major annoyance.

5. You will change – college changes people, you learn who you really are and many times the person you become isn’t the best fit for your high school sweetheart and guess what… that’s okay!

6. Insecurities will absolutely fly in – when he/she doesn’t answer their phone Friday night, you will start thinking about who they’re with and what they’re doing.

7. Just break up with them – did I say that already?  

Okay, so maybe i’m being a bit harsh so let me transition to the advice for those of you who honestly believe you’ve found the love of your life and are willing to do anything to stay together in college.

1. Communication – holy cow, communication!  This is the most important thing in all relationships.  Talk now about your expectations.  When you go to college be completely honest with each other.  If you’ve met somebody the first week and they sweep you off your feet, tell you bf/gf that it’s just not going to work – never, never, never cheat on them!

2. Trust each other – if you don’t trust each other completely, it will never work.

3. Visit – you need to understand that keeping this relationship is going to take work, if you go into college thinking, ‘well, let’s just see what happens’ it probably won’t work.  You need to put the effort in to visit each other, take time away from your friends to have a phone conversation of skype time.

4. Make is fun – like any long distance relationship you need to keep in fresh and fun.  Send hand written letters or cards, send care packages, surprise each other, get to know their roommate so you can make surprise visits or ask politely ask for a night alone in the room.

5. Keep yourself busy – this is SO important.  You can’t make your entire day about your bf/gf.  If you don’t talk to them for a few hours, they will still love you at the end of the day and if they don’t or if they get mad because you didn’t text when you were walking from one class to the next, it’s time to dump their butt.  You need to enjoy college for yourself and if he/she is the one, they will fit in no matter what.

6. Finally, stay positive.  If if works, congratulations and if it doesn’t work, I promise it’s not the end of the world you will meet the love of your life when the time is right.

Hope you enjoyed Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom!

Much love,

G